Your feelings are Valid

Written By Daniela Roma

Understanding Attachment and Why Relationships Feel So Hard

Growing up, we hear the message “don’t be so sensitive” or “stop overreacting” more times than we can count. Eventually, many teens and college students learn to hide their feelings, minimize them, or assume they’re “too much.”
But the truth is simple. Your feelings are valid all of them.

Your emotions exist for a reason. They signal your needs, your fears, your values, and your desires. When you feel hurt, anxious, jealous, or unsure in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you’re dramatic, it means something inside you is asking to be understood.

And a big part of understanding yourself is learning about attachment

Why Attachment Matters More Than You Think

Attachment is the emotional blueprint we develop from early relationships, typically with parents or caregivers. It shapes how safe we feel opening up, trusting others, handling conflict, and depending on people emotionally.

As you move into high school, college, and young adulthood, this attachment style starts showing up powerfully in your romantic relationships and friendships.

If you have an anxious attachment, you might:

  • worry someone will leave

  • overthink texts, tone, or timing

  • feel easily rejected

  • need reassurance but feel afraid to ask for it

  • stay in relationships even when they don’t feel good

If you have an avoidant attachment, you might:

  • shut down or emotionally distance yourself

  • feel uncomfortable relying on others

  • pull away when things feel “too close”

  • struggle to express needs or feelings

  • choose independence over connection, even when you feel lonely

If you have a disorganized attachment, you might:

  • crave closeness but fear it at the same time

  • feel confused about what you want in relationships

  • experience intense highs and lows

    These attachment styles are based on how you learned in response to your environment.

Why Teens and College Students Struggle So Much in Relationships

This stage of life is a perfect storm for big feelings:

  • You’re figuring out who you are.

  • You’re trying to understand what healthy love looks like.

  • You’re learning boundaries, often for the first time.

  • You’re balancing school, work, friendships, and family expectations.

  • You’re coping with comparison and social media pressure.

On top of that, many young women carry the emotional load in relationships, trying to fix, soothe, keep the peace, or hold it all together. When attachment wounds mix with relationship stress, even small things (like a delayed text or a canceled plan) can feel huge.

And that doesn’t make you weak , it makes you human.

Your Feelings Aren’t “Too Much.” They’re Information.

When you get triggered in relationships, it’s usually not about the other person’s action alone , it’s about what that action brings up inside of you.

Your body might be saying:

  • “I don’t feel safe.”

  • “I’m afraid of losing someone.”

  • “I’ve felt this before, and it hurt.”

  • “I don’t want to be abandoned.”

  • “I’m scared to trust.”

Instead of shutting down those feelings, therapy helps you listen to them.

How Therapy Helps You Break the Cycle

You don’t have to navigate this alone.
In therapy, you can learn to:

  • understand your attachment style

  • identify triggers and old patterns

  • communicate your needs clearly

  • set boundaries without guilt

  • choose relationships that feel safe and healthy

  • build self-worth and emotional confidence

The goal is never to change who you are, it’s to help you feel more secure, grounded, and connected.

Because your feelings are valid.

Daniela Roma